5.08.2012

Sadness & regret 切ない気持ち



Just a post about my feelings:

Past few days has been tough on me, on 5/5 I found out that my dear Grandmother has passed away. I am in shock still since my family in Japan has told me that she was doing well after her trip to the hospital few weeks back but suddenly had a stroke and passed away... I wasn't there to tell her how much I loved her, I keep on regretting how I wish I booked my ticket to Japan earlier so that I could of seen her, hold her hands, talk to her. She was my last living Grand parents that I had, I kept on remembering what she said to me last time I saw her years ago "come back soon, I am always thinking of you" The only thing that makes me feel better knowing is that my family has said she didn't suffer, she died in her sleep. My cousin also told me that she looked so beautiful and peaceful after she passed away, she also told me that my Grandma had a photo of me in front of her bed so she thinks she was thinking of me everyday. hearing that made my heart ache with so much pain because I wish I was there before she passed away.

I am still going to Japan on my original flight schedule on 5/22 since my family already had the cleansing ceremony and cremated my Grandmother 2 days after she passed away but they are not having the actual burial until her soul passes on after the 49th date since she passed away. I will get to be there with her in spirt till then and for the burial ceremony.  

 I was hoping and praying that she got well and that I couldn't wait to talk to her in person but I know she will always there. I know I can't regret about not going to Japan sooner but I just can't stop being mad at myself, just keep on thinking how I am never going to see her just hurts me so bad after she told me to come back soon... I never want to regret anything again, I want to live with passion and I never want to stop myself from doing what my heart tells me to do ever again cause I end up regretting it.

Thank you for all your kind words and condolences on twitter and instagram, I cannot tell you how much all your messages mean to me, thank you so much. 

My favorite vintage photo of my Grandmother and her father my Great Grandfather.


おばあちゃん、
私もいつもいつもおばあちゃんの事を思っていました、もっと早く会いにい行けなくてごめんなさい、最後には会えなくてごめんなさい。凄く愛してます、色々とありがとうございました。

えりかより

90 comments:

  1. Eki...

    I'm near tears reading this post, because I feel like I can relate so much. I still struggle with regret and anger in myself 6 years later because I wasn't there when my grandpa died. I miss him so much, and I wish I could have been there for him in his final moments.... or even his last days, months, it just never feels like I spent enough time with him. I don't know if it will ever get better for me, but I sincerely hope you can find comfort someday with your loss. I'm sure your grandmother, though she was hoping to see you, she also knew how much you wanted to see her, and she was just happy thinking about you. No matter how far away you are from someone, they're still there with you. I'm also happy that she was able to pass on peacefully. That's why I've been so angry with myself, because my grandpa didn't, but I don't want to fill you with anymore sadness from my story, and I'm sorry if I make you feel bad! I just wanted to tell you that, I know what you're going through, and I'm thinking of you everyday!

    Please stay happy and 元気. Remember that no matter what, your grandmother loved you so much, and she still does. And we do too! -hugs-

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  2. Oh my goodnes Eki I wanted to tear up reading this post. I'm so sorry about her pass but at least you've 

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  3. What a beautiful photo.  You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  4. Hi Eki, I'm a long time reader since your beginning posts actually and I've never commented here before. I'm so sorry for your loss. I dealt with a loss of a friend this year and this reminds me of how I felt during that time... Truly sorry for your loss...

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  5. Tears falling down my face. It is so painfull to lost a beloved person and knowing that you couldn't say "Goodbye" to her.
    I lost all of my grandparents when I was a young child and it still hurts very much.
    I wish you all the best, be strong ♥

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  6. I am so sorry to hear your loss :( I was so sad as I was reading the post, and I totally understand what you're coming from. One of my friends once told me "remember those who have passed, treasure those who are around you". After one of my grandmothers passed, I had so many things I regretted and I treated my other grandmother so much better afterwards. I am glad to hear that you had a strong and loving relationship with your grandmother. I pray that all of your family will feel peace and comfort; your grandmother is now in a place with no suffering and your family is filled with grace. Praying that you and your family have a peaceful recovery, all the best.

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  7. its okay eki. your grandma is in a much better place. where she wont suffer from any illnesses. my grandma suffered a stroke for 7 years and she had Alzheimer's disease. For those 7 years she didnt know who was i at all. everyday i just sit by her side and read a book to her. sometimes i'll try to make her smile. eki, it's okay, stop regretting. your grandma is at peace.  

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  8. I'm so sorry for you Eki, it is a terrible thing to have such regrets. Last year I experienced something similar, my last grandparent died. The worst thing for me is that my family knew she was sick and they are just irresponsible and did not call me. I found out she was very ill after she had fallen into a coma, so I saw her anyway and told her I loved her and I think she heard me. I was angry at my parents for a while but I have forgiven them, and so I hope you too can forgive yourself Eki, it's not like you did anything bad. It is very hard to travel across the world, and you clearly loved your Grandmother very much, and I think she knew that. 


    I hope you know that while you are still alive you can remember and treasure her. 

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  9. I'm not going to lie, I teared up a little bit reading this, poor poor eki! TT-TT You shouldn't be sad, smile and be happy please! Please?!?

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  10. I think I can relate to your feelings since my Grandfather just passed away suddenly in one night. I bet your grandma was very proud of you and your plans and doings in America so you shouldn't be mad at yourself for a long time because it's okay. You won't forget her and the fact alone would've make her happy, I'm sure (: 

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  11. I feel for you Eki. I lost my brother last year and I know that there are no words that one can say to take away the pain that you feel right now.
    Please stay strong. I am sure your grandmother will always stay with you in spirit. 
    Hugs.

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  12. I send my deepest condolences to you and your family, Eki. I have only one set of grandparents (my mom's parents died long before I was born) and I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose them. It kills me to even think of it, so truly, take some time for yourself to grieve. Our grandparents teach us of the old days when life was simpler, when life was slower and how we shouldn't take life for granted. Don't forget to take the time to grieve. Slow down and feel. That's what I've learned from mine.

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  13. Hey Eki, I understand what you are going through. Please be at ease soon >_< My grandma passed away recently as well :( but be happy because she is no longer suffering and just know that she loved you very dearly. These things happen and are unexpected but what my mum told me is that you shouldn't cry too much otherwise she will be drowning in your tears in heaven. But of course, when it hurts and you feel angry at yourself just try to remember that she loved you and was always thinking of you. But I understand that the fact that you weren't able to see her one last time, it hurts to the core and your mind's racing through all of the "if only", it's okay and I'm sure she understands. Look through the support of your close friends and especially Zach!
    Thinking of the happy memories with her will hurt for the moment, but once it passes I'm sure you will learn to smile back at them. Stay strong and if you're ever in need of talking to someone, I am here and so are many other of your loyal readers <3
    Love you <3

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  14. Condolence Eki  :(

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  15. I am so sorry to hear this Eki, this must be a terribly difficult time for you and your family. I hope you are able to remember all the happy and fond memories you have with your grandmother rather than dwell on your regrets. My deepest condolences, Eki.

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  16. お悔やみ申し上げます。
     I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I'm not a regular commenter on this blog, but I felt like I had to speak up now.
    I am sure your grandmother isn't mad at you or anything. It's hard to say that to someone, but I don't think you need to blame yourself.
    My last grandparent, also my grandmother, is still alive, but I am always worried about the day when she might leave us, and I was so especially when I was living across the world in Japan. But I think grandmothers want their grandchildren to live their lives and see the world.
    Plus, I'm sure you get to see her again in the afterlife.
    I wish I could say more to comfort you, but I can't think of anything more than this. I'm sure your grandmother was very proud of you. I can definitely see from her picture where you got your pretty looks from.
    Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

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  17. Condolences, Eki... I am sure your grandmother understands why you were not able to be there before her death. Always remember that things happen for a purpose. Stay safe, dear. I'll pray for you, your family and your grandma's soul...

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  18. That's quite sad to know. - My condolences. I think you are quite lucky to have known your grandmother. I never got to meet any of my grandparents - but I somehow felt I knew my grandmother (mother's mother) because of all the stories my mother used to tell me about her. She was a great woman, and truly loved by many. I am pretty sure it just the same with your grandmother, which is why she will be deeply missed. I hope you will be okay - my prayers are with you. 

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  19. Very sorry for your loss :(
    My obaachan died of the same thing when I was a baby so I never really got to meet her. I often wish I could have met her and known what she was like beyond the stories and photos my family has (she was last living grandparent).
    All I can say is cherish the memories deeply you have of her so you can tell your children one day. I understand the sorrow you feel for not being there, as I also get mad at myself and probably would write a similar note to her... Only time can really heal these occasions
    このたびはご愁傷さまでございます。

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  20. Condolences.  I hope you the best out of this situation. God bless..

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  21. im really sorry to know about this.
    God bless your grandma

    but im sure that your grandma wants you to live a happy life.
    also i hope for the best for you

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  22. I'm so sorry eki.  Best wishes and prayers for you and your family.

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  23. I'm sorry to hear about your grandma passing away, my prayers goes out to you and your family. Stay strong.

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  24. I'm sorry to hear about your grandma... don't push yourself, you didn't know :( stay strong beautiful!

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  25. Hey Eki,

    I hope you're doing fine, i was once in your situation.

    My aunt was in Germany establishing her business unit and we were always on msn to chat with her together with my mother (her elder sister), at that time it wasn't fully high-technology. The best internet connection was still phone dial-up type so no webcam or skype so easily functionable.

    She was back in Singapore a few days to visit my grandparents but i didn't get to see her personally, that was 2 years i've last seen her. There's one occasion where she was held up with work and she was only online in msn to chat with me when i have to turn off the computer. I was so angry as she promised me to chat with me regularly and i ignored her for 2 days.

    The third day she met an accident in Germany, Berlin. When the news was received by us, i broke down so badly. My dad (who has a very fierce face and never ever cried in front of me) held me in my arms and told me that i can cry as badly as i could but when i'm at my grandparents' house i must never tear in front of them. Imagine a parent sending their daughter off is much more painful.

    I hated myself so badly for being so childish to her, and she met an accident on her trip out to get Christmas presents for us before coming back to Singapore on the fixed date (a week from the date she passed away). It was really heartbreaking & ended up sobbing all day long non-stop. :(

    Stay strong, i'm sure your Grams want to see you smile, she's at a better place. :)

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  26. i'm sure she was very happy to have you in her heart. my grandmother's 96 so I am preparing myself but you can never fully prepare for the passing of a love one.
    hang in the eki! 

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  27. I feel you.
    Last year I left my hometown to go to uni in UK, it was my dream for longest time and finally I had a chance to make it come true. But I left with a heavy heart because my grandfather was in very bad condition that he couldn't talk or eat by himself, I didn't want to leave but I had to and I was already book a ticket to comeback home in Christmas to see him maybe for the last time. But only about 1 month before my flight, he passed away. He were the closet family member with me, who always give me support and lots of love, I still miss him and cry every time I think about him even though I'm very tough girl and not easy to tear. I feel so sorry that he couldn't live longer to see me success in my life, but I know he always be there in deep inside my heart. I'm still working hard, study hard so one day when I become a successful woman. he could be proud of me from heaven. And I know that your grandmother will always love you that way. Be strong Eki! <3

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  28. Your grandmother must be so proud of you. I imagine she thought of you everyday and how much she loves you. I can understand your heartache, but please don't be sad because you have some wonderful memories together.

    I also wanted to say thank you for explaining a little about the ceremony that you have. My Japanese friend also recently lost a grandparent and she couldn't explain why you had another ceremony after 49days, as she didn't really understand herself.

    I'm sorry for your lose and I will be thinking of you and your family.

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  29. I am so sorry for your loss Eki, may your grandmother's soul rest in peace. I know you feel bad for not being there but you are going to Japan soon to be present in the burrial so you shouldn't beat up yourself over it. Your grandmother wouldn't want you to. 

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  30. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. Don't kick yourself for not being able to make it earlier, she loved and still loves you tremendously. I'll be keeping you in my prayers and hope you have a safe flight to Japan.

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  31. I'm sorry to hear that! I'll keep you in my prayers. I'm sure your grandmother doesn't want you to blame yourself for not being there. She will always be w/ you. -hugs- <3 

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  32. All my love to you and your family during this time

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  33. i am so, so sorry for your loss - i hope you find comfort and happiness in your memories.

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  34. Eki, your loss has brought tears to my eyes. I've been following your blogs for some time now but I've never posted any comments before. However, I feel compelled to write to you now. 

    I am so sorry for the loss of your dear grandmother. I can understand and relate to the fact that you didn't get to see her before she passed. I also didn't get to go see my grandmother before she passed and we lived only 3 hours apart. I regret for so long that I didn't get to go say good-bye to her or even introduce her to my new daughter. 

    After her funeral, I came home and that night I dreamt of her sitting at the house where we held the ceremony, she said to me, "You didn't make it to see grandmother on time." That was all she said and for months I was devastated and full of regret and cried every time I thought about her. 

    A short while later, I had another dream that I was playing at the temple with my friends and we were all leaving, now I hadn't thought about her in some time. My grandmother loved being at the temple as often as she could but I remember making it all the way to the parking lot and then telling my friends I'd be back. I ran back inside the temple and there she was, sitting they way she always did, she didn't say a word to me but I ran up to her as if she was still alive and I gave her a hug and said, "I'll see you later grandma." just as if I would see her that same day. And then I left. I haven't had dreams of her since. It validated that she had been watching over me and knew the pain that I was feeling over her passing and my not being there. But I now feel at peace and know that even though I didn't get to see her before she left this world physically, she will ALWAYS be connected to me through our hearts. Your grandmother is always there with you watching over you as your angel. 

    Keep in mind that she is in eternal peace and rest. She's got all the love, health, wealth, and most purest peace ever, in Heaven. You will connect with her again some how some way, maybe in another lifetime. But do not ever feel disconnected. You can still go back and visit as she asked you too. Just because she isn't there physically, doesn't mean she isn' there and she knows you are there. 

    Keep your head up dearest Eki. You have one more new angel watching over you. XOXO

    -Annie 

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  35. Hi Eki,

    Hope things will be better for you. I have a song I would like to share with you. (:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2VoEN1iooE 

    Think of all the good times you had with her, and all the things she taught you. 

    Wishing for your happiness,

    Christine

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  36. Eki, that is so sad :( I teared up reading this post. Just know that you have all your readers around the world that thinks of you and your grandmother. I am very sorry for your loss :(

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  37. I'm so sorry for your loss :( it takes  a while for the pain to subside. i hope your trip to japan helps you recount happy memories of her with your family

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  38. Thank you, I appreciate your message. I am looking forward to going back and spend time with my family, hopefully I can find some sort of closure. :)

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  39.  Hi Hun,, Im sorry to make you sad too,, thank you so much for your support, makes me truly lucky to have all your support and love :hugs:

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  40.  Hi Christine I love that song, just re watched the video and I just couldnt help but to cry,,,thank you for that made me happier thinking about my happy times with my Oba-chan :) Thank you

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  41.  Annie, I am sorry to hear about your loss of your dear Grandmother as well. Thank you for understanding, I am happy that you found a closure I wish to find a closure as well, I wish I could see her in my dream as well I want to tell her how I am sorry and how much I love her. I hope once I am back home I can feel more connected because I feel so lonely here being away from all my family. Thank you Annie for this sweet message, taking your time to write to me and sharing your story :hugs:

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  42.  Thank you Laura

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  43.  Thank you Sami

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  44.  Thank you Hun, I appreciate your kind words

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  45.  Hi hun, I am trying hard to not to think that way, I appreciate your kind message thank you :hugs;

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  46.  Thank you so much, I appreciate your message to me. I am looking forward to being around the family.

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  47.  Hi Hun, thank you sweetie I need to stay positive beating myself with I should of isnt going to change anything and I know she would want me to be happy,, I didnt fully understand the process either till my last funeral of my other grandmother that is when I fully understood the process. I Buddhist teachings they say that your actual soul the spirit stays around this living realm for another 49 days after your passing until your soul move on to the next realm so during the 49 days, your soul sticks around the family thats when you celebrate their life and connect with your deceased ones.

    Thank you for the sweet message hun I will remind myself to remember the happy times and not the sad ending.

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  48.  Hi sweetie, I am so sorry about your loss as well I truly understand your pain, its great to hear out of this tragedy you found a positive to stay focused in becoming successful, I am sure your Grandfather is proud of you hun! Thank you for sharing your story with me made me really happy to hear you staying positive, I wish you all the success and happiness dear. :hugs:

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  49.  Hi Linda, thank you sweetie. 96 is great age, my Grandmother was 89 I truly wished that she made it to 90 as well. Please dont forget to tell your Grandmother how much you love her and cherish all the time you have with her hun. thank you again

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  50.  Hi sweetie, Thank you so much for sharing your story with me I couldnt help but to cry reading your message just so tragic,, I am sorry you had to go through it I kept of being mad at myself too for my own actions because we never know when will be the last time we will ever get to talk or see each other again, I hope you found your closure and cherish your time with your other family members. Thank you sweetie I will stay strong. :hugs:

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  51.  Thank you dear

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  52.  Thank you sweetie

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  53.  Thank you Jessie

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  54.  Thank you so much sweetie

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  55.  thank you Ruthee

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  56.  Hi Chika, Thank you. I am truly lucky to have had some time to spend with my Grand Parents, I truly understand how it feel to not have family members around most of my years of growing up I was here in US away from all my family. I am happy that your Mother shared stories with you about your grandmother, please cherish the time you have with your mother and other family members dear. Thank you so much for your sweet message I truly appreciate it :)

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  57.  Hi sweetie, thank you so much for your sweet message, I truly believe things happen for a reason sometime you have to step back and look at the positives and keep on smiling :)

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  58.  thank you dear,

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  59.  Hi Julia, I truly appreciate your message made me happier, your word did comfort me and made me smile at the happy times I had with her. I understand how you feel hun, please cherish the time that you have with her, let her know how much you love her and make as much of a happy memories with her as you can Hun. Thank you so much for taking your time to write to me means alot. :hugs: ありがとうございます。

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  60. Hi Sue, thank you for your sweet message :hugs: I will remember to keep smiling with all the happy memories instead of dwelling on regerts. thank you again sweetie.

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  61. thank you sweetie

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  62. Hi Saera your message is really sweet, thank you. I am sorry about your loss of Grandma too hun,, your mom is right, need to stay happy because she would want us to be happy. I will cherish my memories and stay positive, thank you for reminding me. sweetie, I hope for you to have all the happiness and love, thank you for your kind and loving support during my hardest times, I appreciate your LOVE. :hugs:

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  63. Hi Katie, please cherish the time you have with them and let them know how much you love them :) I wish I did that, the regret hurts as much as losing her and I dont want you to feel the same. That is true I will slow down, remember to smile cause life is short other wise time passe by so fast. Thank you dear for sharing your store with me truly apprecaite you taking your time to wrtie to me :hugs:

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  64. I am sorry to hear you lost your brother hun,,,I am truly sorry. I hope you found a closure and just remember the happy times you had with him. Thank you for this message, I hope you are staying strong too. :hugs:

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  65.  Hi Sam, I am sorry to hear about your loss too,,thank you for this sweet message :hugs:

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  66.  aww Im sorry to make you sad too,,, :( Your message made me smile thank you for this sweet message :hugs:

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  67.  Hi Tiffany,, Im sorry about your Grandparent I completely understand how you felt,, that is just so sad. I hope you found your closure, I am happy to hear you've got to tell her you loved her Im sure she heard you and was happy that you were there beside her. I am glad you forgave your parents, cherish your time with them too cause you never know when your loved one wont be there next,, :(

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, I feel deeply connected. Thank you for your kind and loving message too made me happy to have such a sweet support. :hugs: I truly hope you have no regrets over this anymore stay positive sweetie!

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  68.  Hi Marj,, thank you happy to know she didnt suffer too much. I feel very sad to hear your Grandma's story,, I think that is just so sad about Alzheimer's disease when your loved one dont even remember who you are,, I am sorry you had to go through that with your Grandma,, my bf's grandma had dementia and passed away a painful slow death and didnt even know who was who,, his story makes me really sad and to know you went through that makes me sad. I am glad you got to spend lots of time with her and even made her smile. Thank you sweetie for this, I will not regret but instead I will smile to know she didnt have to suffer. thank you dear for your sweet message :hugs;

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  69.  Hi Rachel, I am sorry to make you sad hun,, your friend told you such a mice quote,, that is true should cherish the time we have around with the loved ones that is still with us so that when they do pass you have tons of fond memories to keep with us. Its nice that with a tragedy you  found a positive in having a better relationship with your other Grandparents! Please cherish all your time with your loved one sweetie, thank you so much for your sweet message, I am happy to have such a amazing people like you around me to keep me smiling. :hugs:

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  70.  I am sorry dear to make you sad,, thank you so much for this caring message sweetie, I wish you the best as well, stay sweet and happy hun<3

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  71. Thank you Kitty

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  72.  Hi sweetie, Thank you for this sweet message, you are always so sweet and caring to me. I truly appreciate and lucky to have sucha sweet and loving person like you<3 I am sorry about your Grandpa, please cherish the time you have with your Grandma spend as much time as you can and make lots of happy memories with her hun :hugs:

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  73. Hi Katie, I feel like we connect so well and understand each other deeply, thank you for always showing me so much love and care. I hope you can find the closure, lets not regret anymore because I think our Grand parents would want us to be happy and remember the happy memories we had with them instead. YES please give your Grandma a bug hug and let her know how much you LOVE her,, make more happy memories with her so that you wont regret later hun! Thank you sweetie for always being there for me and thinking of me, I am truly lucky to have met you and have you as my friend. I want to make happy memories with the people around me, lets be happy together hun~ lets motivate each other to stay positive! THank you for the many smiles that you have given me Katie, you are amazing person and a friend. :BIG HUGS:

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  74. I'm sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. One of my close uncles died suddenly about three years , and couldn't be there when he was sick or at the funeral because I was in school in another state. But it does help to know that your loved one did not suffer, and was still surrounded by other family members. Always think of the good times you had with your grandmother, and try not to dwell on the bad.

    Also, judging by the photo, your grandmother was very pretty!

    http://femmenoblesseoblige.blogspot.com/

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  75. Eki,
    I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. <3
    -Mary

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  76. im terribly sorry for what happened on 5/5 with ur grandma..
    it made my heart ache when thinking about this situation..
    i hope u will continue to b happy :)
    and also, just keep ur grandma in ur heart forever and continue to b successful i ur creative makeup skills :)
    ur grandma always watch u everywhere, far away, nearby, she is always thinking of u whenever u think about her.
    just think positive and let happiness comes to u.
    i never really deal with someone dying in my family but im scard to face those problems.
    its painful but ur strong enough to handle this!
    GOOD LUCK!
    and that message to ur grandma is so sweet, i almost cried .

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  77. I am sorry for your loss Eki. I've been a follower of your blog for several years and normally I'm too lazy to comment but this post brought tears to my eyes. My grandma also lived overseas and we planned a summer visit but she passed away before we could see her. It makes me sad that I didn't get to speak to her one last time before she passed away but I have so many wonderful memories of her that will stay with me for the rest of my life so I no longer feel sad. Time will slowly heal all the pain and sadness you feel now. Try to remember all the good memories you have of her and everything will be alright. 

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  78. My condolences to you and your family on your loss. Your post brings tears to my eyes, it made me remember my grandparents as well. My grandma passed away suddenly, there was no chance to say good bye as well.
    At least you'll be back before the 49th day and I'm sure she'll be glad to see you home.
    Take care and have a good trip back 

    Ashley
    ash-tan.blogspot.com

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  79. Im sorry for your loss Eki. I felt kind of similar when my grandfather passed 2 years ago. We are still finding the right date so all of our sibling can join to pay respect at his grave. 

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  80. I'm very sorry for your loss, I understand how you feel about not being there, I wish the best for your family and give my condolences. Take care. 

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  81. sorry for your loss eki.  when i saw your post on tweeter i felt crushed, and just didnt know/how to reply there.  sometimes i feel tweeter is so informal.
    cant imagine how you are feeling.    i didnt get to say good-bye to my dad when he passed on.  he was my everything in this life.  he had been ill for years and we all knew he was going to pass on.  it was so sudden though.   death is really a theif in the night.  
    anyway, i am not well with words.  but want to say that pls dont feel bad for not being there for  oba-chan.  i know she will be with you always.  I do feel my dad is w/me esp when i think of him.  Your oba-chan knew you loved her very very much and that is the most important.  i know you honored her much while she was alive too.   i think what one does for a person who is still alive is speaks volumes than anything.  i hope you understand what i mean.  <3
    anyway, pls take care of yourself for the time being, and have a safe trip home.  my thoughts and prayers for you, dear eki and your family.

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  82. Aw Eki. I could not help the tears when I read your post. I was in the same situation except I was scared to go and visit my grandmother. Several years later and I regret that I did not see her when I could have.

    My best wishes and condolences to you and your family at this time. Your grandmother is always with you <3

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  83. I'm so sorry to hear about that. I hope you and your family will be well, my condolences. I lost my aunt just a few months ago, so I can really empathize, it's very difficult but I'm sure your grandmother knew you loved her. 

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  84. Dearest Eki,
    I am so sorry to read of your Grandmother's passing. She is very beautiful, and you look so much like her. I want you to know that your Grandmother knew how much you loved her, and she knows even more so now. I believe in death many things such as this become so much more clear then we can ever imagine. She is with you still, and she can hear you now, she would not want you to have regret but rather peace of mind. I am going to pray for you and send Reiki.
    Much love,
    Piper

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  85. My deepest condolences to you and your family. Keep strong and stay positive sweetie. Your gram's soul will be reunited with her family. She looked really beautiful in that photograph and forever she will stay in your memories and heart♥


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  86. this made me tear up thinking of my own grandma...im all the way in london and shes in bermuda :( she is 86 so im so worried about her sometimes...i dont wanna have regret either : ( 

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  87. I holded my tears while reading your post. I understand how you feel, something similar happened to me, but I saw her a month before, and I could tell her that I loved her. I miss her. But she was sick already, she died praying. 
    I am sorry for your lost. (I know this post has a time, but I just discovered it)

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  88. I'm not sure if you will see this or not, I just learned how to use Disqus better, and I had not read your heartfelt reply to me until just now!

    I wanted to tell you that while I do have some sad regrets I try to remember my grandmother and be forgiving of my parents. They were having a pretty hard time too, and while it's not an excuse I do love them and I want them to be able to live without burdening themselves because of me. Part of growing strong in life I think is being able to hold onto the people you've lost but not be sad thinking about them. A thing like that may not happen quickly but I think we do learn to do it if we try. I enjoy your warm hearted living and I hope that you'll be able to stay positive too, Eki!

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